Robin Williams was one of the funniest human beings ever to have walked the face of the Earth. I can’t tell you how hard I laughed at “Robin Williams: A Night at the Met”, which I had recorded off of HBO. I could probably still recite much of it to this day, if you were to play it for me.
I have been asked more than once why I chose to out myself, having so successfully worn the mask of “straight” as to have fooled, well, nearly everyone, it seems.
I don’t know what demons Robin Williams struggled with, and I am not trying to equate my story to his. What I do know, however, what it is like to contemplate ending your own life. I know that all too well. I know it from the many times I considered putting an end to my life because I was not what (society at large/specific people/etc.) said I should be. I know it from the many times I considered putting an end to my life because I hated myself and I was miserable.
I finally decided that I will no longer be miserable so that someone else can be comfortable. If anyone does not like or approve of me, the way I am, the way I feel, the life I lead, or anything else, then they can remove themselves from the equation. If being myself makes someone uncomfortable, then they can go someplace else to find comfort.
Suicide attempts and suicide ideation are markedly higher amongst LGBT youth, and I feel confident in saying that they are probably higher amongst LGBT adults, as well. The same holds true for drug and alcohol abuse. All because of the way other people have made us hate ourselves.
I will no longer be miserable so that someone else can be comfortable.
Robin Williams was one of the funniest human beings ever to have walked the face of the Earth. I do not know what demons he struggled with. The world will feel the pain of his loss for some time. Suicide is a horrible thing, and it leaves behind wounds that I don’t believe ever really heal.
I didn’t want to leave such wounds on my loved ones, so I had to, I *had to* get shed of something that weighed me down and tempted me with such dark and horrible thoughts for so long.
Now, let’s all carry on as if I’ve posted some of my usual fare. Maybe a fart joke or something of that ilk.
I am bipolar and suffered throughout my life without diagnosis. I, like so many bipolar people, self medicated just to cope. Robin’s death reminds me how fragile my mental health status is. And how even the most diligent about our condition, lose our battle. All of you who think there is no other option left, please stay with us.
You are valuable.