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Resources for Mixed-Orientation Marriages

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I am a therapist who works with [Ed Note: heterosexual &] LGBT individuals and couples. Bisexual issues, in particular, tend to be marginalized. What information is available is full of bias and stigma, so there is a need for positive resources for those in mixed-sexual orientation marriages where one of the partners is bisexual. I hope you find these helpful. ~Betti Schleyer, PhD in Bi Women’s Newsletter: Winter 2013

Positive online discussion groups:

  • Alternate Path: an affirming group for women seeking help with finding alternative solutions to divorcing their Bisexual/Gay husband. Provides positive discussions to help wives adjust to the news that their husband is gay/bi.
  • Making Mixed Orientation Marriages Work (MMOMW): for straight spouses who are married to gays or bisexuals, and also the married gays and bisexuals themselves. Welcomes all those in this situation no matter how they have decided to deal with this within their own marriage.
  • HUGS Couples (Hope Understanding Growth Support): A list for couples of mixed sexual orientation who are working to keep their relationship strong and growing. A positive environment where these couples can express their concerns, share their successes, and give and receive support and encouragement.
  • Monogamous Mixed Orientation Marriages (MMOM): a support group for either or both members of a mixed orientation marriage or relationship working to remain monogamous. “Mixed orientation” means that the sexual orientations of the two persons involved do not match. This includes any combination of GLBTQS persons (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, questioning, straight). “Monogamous” means that the partners are sexually exclusive

Bisexual and Living Fabulous: support for bisexuals and those who love them – Positive Website for bisexuals. Includes a discussion site for those in Mixed Orientation Marriages.

Transcending Boundaries: Introduction to Mixed Orientation Marriages by Mark Rheault – Good description of basics of making a mixed-orientation marriage work, with links to resources

Positive stories about mixed orientation marriages:


Research showing that stable, satisfactory mixed orientation marriages are possible:

Theoretical background:

Note: Research reviewed by Patrick RichardsFink, a bisexual activist, husband, father, student, and blogger in Central Minnesota.



Lynnette View All

Producer and Co-Host "The BiCast"

4 thoughts on “Resources for Mixed-Orientation Marriages Leave a comment

    • Neither Joe Kort or Emily Buxton or the Straight Spouse Network speak for the bisexual community. They have caused great damage. If you want real help ask bisexuals and the bisexual community. We are here. We know what it means to be bisexual.

      says the Bisexual Therapist’s Network —

      The article in question is by Joe Kort a well known biphobic gay therapist. He is one of a group of monosexual personalities in the mental-health, advice to the lovelorn, as well as *wellness* fields who have discovered a marketing niche in bisexual people and their families.

      Unfortunately none of these people know much about or even likes bisexuals. But that hasn’t stopped them from making stuff up, pontificating endlessly or being looked upon as “experts” and quoted in the mainstream media about us. And of course all of this has proved to be extremely detrimental to bisexual people.

      About Kort, Estraven a bisexual gender-expansive therapist has explained “If he had stuck to writing advice for gay men, I would not have any issue with him. However, he has passed himself off as an expert in bisexuality, but then said that bisexuals did not exist until a few years ago.”

      And about another of these anti-bi monosexual “experts”, they wrote, “Similarly, Amity Buxton, a heterosexual woman who started [Ed Note: the very dangerously biphobic and transphobic] Straight Spouse Network, and is also a therapist and so-called “researcher.’ has done the same thing.

      Bi activists have been trying to dialogue with them for ages. They have both pretended to be our friends but yet ignored us.”
      From Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution

      So… this mess of an op-ed is what happens when you let mono people write about bisexuality.

      This writer has put together bits and pieces of old and familiar tropes about biphobia in gay and lesbian communities, and then has called that “gay and lesbian privilege”. This is an old and tired discussion that has been had for decades now with little change. It is not only boring, but also damaging in that it scapegoats gay and lesbian communities for societal biphobia and monosexism, and draws attention away from the structural nature of oppression against bi people.

      Almost needless to say, it seems the writer isn’t even aware of how biphobia and monosexism actually work, and the multi-dimentional and intersectional effects they have on bi people’s lives.

      This writer tries to attach a “cool new term” for the same old discourse. In terms of content, this changes nothing in existing discussions about biphobia, and creates actual damage by adding this insultingly inaccurate new name.

      “This is probably the most disappointing bastardization I’ve ever seen of my concept of monosexual privilege. The purpose of that term was to draw the discussion away from gay and lesbian biphobia to talk about structural heterosexual oppression of bi people. This op-ed is literally the complete opposite.” Shiri Eisner Notes for a Bisexual Revolution (Our respected resource for real information on bisexuality)

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